ianbell

As you can see for my Halloween costume I decided to dress up as a hippie! I was not alone tho, Gemma decided to dress up with me and we made a very nice pair of hippes if I do say so myself!

Has such a good time at the party! It was a smaller event which I prefer just because you dont loose anybody and can usually hear what others are saying. We were lucky enough to have a friend offer there apartment to the festivities, decking it out with carved pumpkins, skeletons and all other manor of Halloween engaging items! And the costumes were out in all forms; there was Hippies, Doctors, Marilyn Munro, a Canadian sports fanatic, Marfia, Wolverine, The Devil, Ghosts, Transformers, Mexicans and many, many more!

Marilyn was also a Tarot card reader, so I was open enough to get a reading done and it was (to my astonishment) eerily correct! My cards were - Past: 2 Travelers. Present: Upside down 8 Swords. Future: 7 swords. I was told that I have a dream and it will take much work to get to it, but it is obtainable, which is always nice to hear no matter the situation!

After this we engaged in more drinking and a blind donuts eating contest! I won! But it was a changed it was so tempting to just go and grab with my hands and ended up with sugar over everything. That was only one of the many laughs that were had in the night. We decided at some very late time to go for waffles, but after walking all that way we took one look at the line and turned for home! But the walk was soberin. What was the best thing tho was climbing into bed knowing I could sleep as long as I wished - and I awoke in the morning so relaxed I did not quite believe it.

So for a first proper Halloween celebration it was a great time, and I want to do it again!

I have always valued and put others above myself no matter what the situation. Always striving for that good mark or to impress the other. I have been more and more often called ‘grumpy’ which I find somewhat of a shallow reception to me; i place so much trust in others that when that is not respected or returned i often do take it personally. Id rather not take it that way, but its the instinctive response I have. So for anyone out there who reads this please don’t call me grumpy, maybe just analyze the situations more, don’t just interrupt or ignore me in social situations involving more then just me, respect my opinions no matter how hard i may find it to spurt them out.

I find myself planning the future; building an imaginary home to work and live in, to rais a family in - but at the expence of the present. All this planning as a means of creating comfort but ultimarly I am only escaping the present, the hard work which is to come and the decisions whcih only I can make. Where am I going with my life? Which pathway should I take or which should I make for myself? Building most of my decisions upon others opinions has become a flaw of mine - no longer do I have a drive of my own, all I do is make for others. I loathe this fact. Independence is what I seek, yet I am unable to break free becoming attached to a key few and mimicking there response.

I have to build a motivational set of…objects, things, thoughts…? Something to get me going with a propose because I feel so lost at present. Upon getting back to Australia I will have many bills to pay, no job, no place to stay and no real direction of where I want to go with my life. I have a horrible time keeping track of friends as i get sucked into this escapism, so they drop away and live there life’s, making me feel even more left behind. Nothing I think of will help my situation…just bad and worse. But floating in this neither-space is not working either. I need a rock, something to fix me down…but I am yet to find that thing or someone. Or maybe I have…? Maybe I have all which I need, just I do not see it through the lens of looking through others perceptions….? This is the paradoxical circle which is me - question after question after question with no answer, so i bring in an outsider for a new perspective jumping on it in a desperate measure of safety. Even admitting this is highly upsetting. If i am what everyone else sees…what am I? Who and what am I? I have no answer…and that scares me.

EDIT: I have been none to well for a few days which has given me time to evaluate my own failures and such, if the question of where this came from arose.

On the bright side some potentially good times to be had soon with Halloween commencing, recording with Canadian friends and a new project in photography to be thinking about.

I have decided to embarrass myself and take part in this years MOVEMBER to show just how long it takes for my mo to grow! If you feel like donating then follow the link to my mospace page and find the link to donate. We have created a small team of other exchange students from Australia in Canada so we are doing this for the pride of Australia - get involved!

Link: Ian Bell • MOspace

Just bought myself my Xmas present! A rare diecast model of the battlestar galactica. Was cheap in comparison to what it could have been (if a collector was selling it or if the US dollar was not so low). In anycase I am very happy and look forward to seeing it in several months.

It’s currently very early morning and I am unable to get to sleep…got some things on my mind but won’t go too much into that! Been thinking about tattoos so much as of late, but am resisting putting pen to paper to design one because when I start…I will have to finish!

Been thinking about some kind of nickname for myself. I’ve had a few over the years, but am looking for one which is “me”.

• Enzo • belli • scorpian • come back kid • bellian • re-bellian or ra-bellian • bellsprout / victorybell

Reason this has come up is I’ve found a sight where I can get such things engraved and I’d like to get something made up. Any recommendations are greatly appreciated!

Ian.

Will be setting off for Qubece & Montreal as of late tonight! Still must decide what to take with me and what to take it in. Quite excited but also the fact that I will have so much uni work to catchup on after my return haunts me - but I am sure that will all fall away when I’m out and about taking photos and enjoying the exploration of a new city with mates!

Who else is looking forward to this trip - or at least my photographs uploaded for all to see of the trip!?

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Now working with feedback from Lee back home I have refined my layout to be…well the exact same thing! This meaning I did a good job to start off with or Lee is / was just too dam busy to provide any real advice with my layouts I still do not know. Anywho this is what I am going with, with the small exception that I ‘might’ be changing the left hand thumbnail image associated with the SoDA Pop logo. The only reason I have left it with the editors page (repetitious cap used in the background) is because I thought having the masterhead of SoDA Pop 3 times in a row was kinda obnoxious and un-needed. In saying that tho, I feel that something more important should be shown in the thumbnail then the editors page…but I cannot seem to find the ‘goldy locks’ page to fit into it.

Design variation 1 - editors page.

Design variation 2 - Introduction and about the magazine page.

Send me your thoughts, I am curious as always!

Ian.

P.S. Heading to Montreal and Quebec City tomorrow for a few days - SO EXCITED!!